Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Getting Married Young: Tips of Things You Should Outgrow/Do Before You Get Married

I was on Facebook today scrolling through my News Feed and I saw this post from www.elitedaily.com titled Getting Married Young: The Habits You Need To Outgrow Before You Say 'I Do'. In the post are 13 things you should Outgrow before getting married. Here's the list. (Please go check out the rest of the post by clicking on the link above.)
1. Lying

2. Belligerent blacking out

3. Laziness

4. Facebook posting

5. Depending on mommy

6. Your inability to share

7. Self-importance

8. Frat mentality

9. Playing games

10. Your ex

11. Complaining

12. Indecision

13. Snooping

While I didn't deal with all of these. Thank the Lord! I did/do deal with some of them. And I completely agree that you should outgrow these before getting married. But I'd have a little more input. As someone who married young, at the age of 19 and having been married for over 5 years now I've learned a few things. So if you'll let me I'm going to give you a few more tips.

1. Be best friends first
   We all love to be in love and want to get married. Some of us that means wanting to be married right now! Trust me I know the struggle is real, but I realize now that there are some major benefits for those who have married someone they first became best friends with. You need to have a spouse that you can tell anything and everything and they won't judge you or make you feel judged for just being you.

2. Date for at least 3 years before you get married
   Once again I know you want to marry right now. Maybe your friends are married or maybe married with kids, but rushing into marriage is a horrible idea. Trust me if you listen you will thank me later. Being young I thought I could get to know people in like a year. Totally stupid, right? If you weren't aware now you are, it's totally stupid. You cannot get to know someone in a year. Yes, people are constantly changing so there's always something new to learn, but trust me it takes 3 years or more to discover most of the "deal breaker" things about a person.

3. Do not marry until you are at least 23 (I really want to say 25, really.)
    By now your mouth is probably on the floor. I understand I was (and technically still am) young. I remember how I thought at 18, 19, and even up until I turned 23. I know that everyone is different, but see I didn't really know myself and what I really wanted until I was 23. I thought I knew myself and what was important to me. Matter a fact if I was reading this back then my past self would be arguing with my present self. So wait until you've aged some. 

4. Get your own place
   Make sure you can live alone before you're thrown into a place with a spouse. If you can do it by yourself than no one could ever tell you that you wouldn't be where you are without them and you'd never have to wonder what living your own life would be like. Yes, I wonder about this. I never had my own apartment. I moved from Mom's house to Husband's apartment. I'll be honest I've missed out because of some of my choices. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying I have a bad life, I don't, but my choices have made it harder than it needed to be. 
There's a girl who is 3 years younger than me. We went to school together (Christian school so everyone knows everyone no matter what grade) and she not to long ago bought a house. By herself! I am beyond thrilled for her. Seriously when I think about her and what she's done I just can't help but smile. I am so proud of her! And to be honest I envy her. I wish I would have done that when I was younger. See I don't know if I could have done that. I know I would have been terrified! And I'm not sure I would have been able to financially do that either. I think having my own place would have helped me to not be in such a rush to get married. Sure it'd be lonely some times, but Honey, that's what friends and family are for! Lol.

5. Have a steady group of friends
    You cannot wrap your whole life around your spouse. You need to have friends to talk to, hang out with, and even sometimes vent to. I have friends, but I'm good at pushing people away so I can't say I have a group of close, steady friends. I could blame other people, really I'm not just saying that.. it hasn't all been me, but I have to blame myself for it too and not just too, but I mainly have me to blame. I allowed other people to force friends out of my life, to change my view of my friends, and to in general just change me because I wasn't old enough or mature enough to just be me. I resent that now. So get friends, good friends! Steady, good friends! Lol.

I could probably add more to this list and maybe one day I will, but for now that's the tips that I would add. If you're reading this and you have any tips you'd like to add than please feel free to comment. Thanks for reading! 

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