Couldn't "Fix" Them

You know when you look back on certain things in your life and you're all like, "so that's why I did that! Ohhhhh." Well, I'm starting to realize that when I used to pick out guys I would tend to pick out ones that I could try and "fix" Which in all reality I know (or at least I know now) that they can't be fixed.. at least not by me. They have issues. Issues with depression, family issues, suicidal, drugs,... etc. I mean maybe I didn't know those things about them when I started 'going steady' with them, but I learned them during. It's like I attracted those type of guys. Which most of those guys were attractive at least and sweet. And I pretty much made all the decisions, which I loved.

Learning About Myself

Growing up sure does teach you more about yourself. I don't know if when you are young you're just 'to stupid' to notice or if things change and since your older you realize what's going on, but either way I've learned a lot about myself.

Example: I clean when I'm upset. Yes, that's the big secret. I hate to clean except for when I'm upset. Now if you ask me to clean upset or not then that just makes me not do it, so you may as well forget that approach, just let me do it on my own. Occasionally when I'm not angry I will get the urge to clean, but it's a very, very rare thing. And though some people would think that something is wrong with me I'll go ahead and tell you there isn't. We weren't all made the same and that's fine. Don't expect me to be like you or anyone else because it just ain't happenin'!

I also realized that I'm not as strong of a person as I thought I was once. I know that there isn't really anything wrong with that, but it was something that I really liked about myself. I was so much stronger B.H. (Before Hubby) I didn't care what people thought, I didn't let people run over me, and I was just stronger all around physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Something about my husband made me stop being who I am and I kind of hate me for that. I guess to stay out of arguments I just backed down, took the coward's way. Hopefully one day I can change this and make him realize that just because he wants something a certain way doesn't mean he'll get it. I just feel like I've let so many people down, especially myself. I don't like who I am. I think that pretty much says it all.

Well, I hope none of you have any issues like that, but if you do I hope we both find a way to make everything better, Any advice just leave a comment, I'd greatly appreciate it. Have a fabulous day!

Ray Ray!!

My husband was so nuce and asked the lady that we gave Ray to if she could send him some pictures because I'd been asking about him. So today I've seen around 5 pictures of Scooter's adorable son Ray who looks almost exactly like him! And his tail still curls like it did when he was a kitten. I'm so glad she sent us some pictures of him. I was so curious what he would look like as he got older and now I got to see :)

3rd Doctor Appointment

Today is my 3rd doctors appointment! I'm so excited to hear the baby's heartbeat again.

I'm also excited about the fact that today should be my last appointment seeing anyone, but my own doctor. I know that the doctor I'm seeing today is a good doctor because I know someone who went to him and he delivered their babies, but I picked out my doctor and that's who I want to see.

Anyways, I can't wait to see when my next appointment will be. I would assume it would be about a month away, but then I'd be like 16 weeks so I would think they would wait until I was 18 weeks for the big ultrasound and finding out the sex of the baby! Which I'm so excited for!!!

 I can't wait to get started on the clothes and the nursery stuff! I know, I know don't forget you'll have a baby shower. I'm fully aware of the baby shower, but I'll be asking for infant car seat, stroller, bottles, pacifiers, more clothes, diapers, wipes, etc. I should already have a crib. I have a battery powered swing, a kick n play, a bassinet, ... So I have some of the normal stuff people would be asking for, most of the big stuff I should already have. But the infant car seat and stroller, which are both expensive I do not unfortunately have and I'm hoping that a family member or a group of family members will pull together to purchase those for us.

Anyways, I'm getting off here. I hope you all have a great day!





 

You Compliment Me, But What You Don't Know Is I Didn't Do It For You

I was on Facebook and as usual I went scrolling through the many posts of my friend's. Well one friend had posted "The only person you need to prove anything to is yourself" And it really made me think. 


I have always tried to do things to please other people and almost have never received the reaction or appreciation that I believe I deserved. It has always seemed that no matter what I do it's never enough. So today I decided I would clean up the living room, but I wasn't doing it for my husband, I did it for me. 


So he came home and I got a compliment, but right after the compliment there was a normal not good enough comment. Now no, he would never say bluntly that it wasn't good enough, but unknowingly he's saying it by saying, "Thanks for cleaning up. Now if only you'd clean and cook."  See the cleaning was't enough, there had to be something else added on. It shouldn't be that way. 


I'd like to just get a compliment no but's or if only's, just a thanks and leave it at that. I know I'm not where I should be in my "wife duties", but at least I did something. At least I didn't just sit on my butt all day playing video games, watching tv, or even worse cheating on him (which I would NEVER do!) I just feel that people don't appreciate things enough. Why does there always have to be more? Appreciate what you've got and what you've been given.  

Pretty Good 22nd Birthday

Let's face it birthdays never go as planned. Something will always happen to ruin a bit of your day. And so I had some parts of my day that didn't live up to what I would have hoped they would, but over all I had a good birthday. 

I spent the day with my hubby and with some of my family. We ate tacos, hang out and talked, sat outside in the nice weather for a little while. It was nice. I received a few cards and a few lovely gifts. One of those gifts being a lovely journal that I'm so afraid to write in because I just know it won't be as pretty with my hand writing in it, but I'll use it anyways. 

My hubby got me The Sims 3 Pets :) , The Little Mermaid on DVD, Bebe Sounds (a sort of doppler) and a seat back cover w/ a pouch (for when the baby comes). I didn't really want a whole lot, most things I found myself wanting was for the baby, but since I don't know the sex of the baby I can't just go crazy buying baby stuff. 

Well, I think I'll see if it's ok with my hubby if I play my new game for the first time! :) 

Have a great night, everyone! 

   

It's my birthday!!

Today I am 22 years old, pregnant, married to a wonderful man, have our own home, have 3 awesome cats (and about 5 or more strays that we feed), a wonderful family, and I think I'm starting to get better around food (lack of appetite due to the pregnancy)! Of course there are so many more things to be thankful for, but those are some pretty good things. I am blessed... even when things don't go my way (might take me a while after something goes 'wrong' to remember this, but still).

Today doesn't have much planned out, I guess. I mean we're going over to my mom and Mike's to celebrate his birthday (belated) and my birthday (which is obviously today) I'll get to be around part of my family... which can be a good thing or a bad thing. After all what's a party without some family drama? LOL! I'll have to leave the party to go to work for 30 min-1 hr (depending on how much bread there is to put out), but then if things go as I plan I'll be right back there to hang out.

With my mom working I've really been missing her! So finally being able to spend time with her is really great! I'd stay there the whole day if I could, but not sure if hubby will allow that. Depends on how he's feeling. Luckily he loves my mom and Mike and loves talking to them so it's not like he'd be bored.

Well I guess I'm going to get off of here and get dressed for the party! Okay, I call it a party, it's more like a get together. It's not like there will be balloons and streamers everywhere. Just family celebrating another year of life for 2 people.
Now what should I wear to our celebration? This is going to take a while.. Wish me luck!

*Pop*

So I read that woman typically *pop* between 12 and 18 weeks. I think I may possibly be already showing because my stomach seems big, but I guess it might get bigger.. well I'm sure it will throughout the pregnancy, but if it will *pop* more in the next few weeks.

I haven't had any way of taking a good side picture of me so I can't show you how big I am, but soon I'll try to get a pic a week. Hopefully I can commit to that. I say commit, but the real problem is to not forget.

It's Just Not That Bad Compared To The Alternative

I know that some women love being pregnant. I on the other hand do not. I keep think about how bad being pregnant is and how much I just can't wait until September so that the being pregnant part can be over and the new chapter of our lives can begin. But I know of a family who have lost 3 grandparents in 6 months and it really makes me understand that my being pregnant even with the ups, downs, nausea, throwing up, lack of appetite, etc. that none of that is as bad as dealing with death. So I'm thankful for all of the horrible things that come along with pregnancy because at least I'm still alive.

I've very sorry for the loss that they're dealing with today and for all the previous losses. I can't say that I know how they feel because I don't, but I'm sure one day I will and I'll be praying for them during their time of need as I hope they will be doing for me in mine when the time comes.

A Little Worried

I'm a little worried, for at least 2 reasons.

Reason #1:
My body even before being pregnant never required a lot of liquids. I've never been one to drink more than maybe 2 pop cans of liquid. But now I'm worried because I'm supposed to drink 6-8 8 ounce glasses of liquids a day. 4 are supposed to be milk and the rest should be water or juice, but I can't drink that much. Only if I'm really thirsty can I drink a lot in a short time. If I try to drink more than that I feel really sick the rest of the day. So I've been drinking what I can and so far the baby is fine. I just don't know how much longer I can keep drinking as little as I do while being pregnant. I just want a healthy, beautiful baby.

Reason #2:
I'm 11 weeks, Friday will be 12 weeks, but anyways suddenly all food (except for cake) has been making me nauseous. The thought, the smell, the taste, etc. I have no clue if I'm eating enough to support both me and the baby and once again I want a healthy, beautiful baby. I'm hoping that once I hit that second trimester mark that all this nausea will be over, but I know that doesn't always happen. The only good thing is supposedly when women are nauseous during pregnancy they typically are less likely to have a miscarriage, I'm really hoping that's true.

Anyways, that's my worries. If you have any ideas, comments, or might know something about this please feel free to comment.

I have a doctor's appointment coming up soon so hopefully I can get some answers then. And be able to hear my babies heartbeat to ease my mind.

Something Edible

I have luckily found something edible that does not make me feel sick at any point and time. CAKE! Lol. That's okay, I guess. Regular food is overrated so bring on the cake!

I'm Glued To The Sectional...

Having trouble getting up to do things. Work, housework, going to the bathroom,... ANYTHING! I know I need to get up and get moving, but even more now that I've become pregnant all I want to do is sit! I know that part of the reason I don't want to get up is because I'm SO sick of this flippin' cold weather. I mean when will it get and stay warm already?! I can't wait for it to be warm enough that I can go outside and take a walk (without having to bundle up like an Eskimo to do. That just ain't happenin'.) I keep praying that the laziness will leave me alone, but I just keep finding that it's always there. I guess part of getting over it is just getting up, making that first move, but that is a really hard move to make. Just pray for me.. for well everything I guess. Thanks!

Things I'm Dealing With In My Pregnancy

Now that my pregnancy is out (YAY!) I can now talk about it. You know how I'm doing, how baby is doing, etc. I've been wanting to blog about the baby for a while, but since Hubby and I were waiting to tell people I couldn't. So I barely blogged because I couldn't blog about what I wanted to really blog.

This is not me, BTW

Nausea... yeah let's talk about that. One they call it Morning Sickness, which I already knew it didn't always happen in the morning, but the point is why would they call it MORNING Sickness if it could happen at any time in the day or all day long.  I've had nausea. I had it a lot during 3- maybe 8 weeks and then it came back around 10 weeks. But I'm dealing with it much better now than I was at first. Thank God!

Cramps and no, I don't mean from a period. I never knew that cramping was normal during pregnancy, but once I got rid of my nausea I started getting cramps. Now I have a good dose of both. But still having a much better pregnancy than some women. Thank God, again!

Throwing up. Yes, you can have nausea and not throw up. Luckily I've only thrown up 3 times in 11 weeks. I know many women who would have loved to have only thrown up 3 times in 11 weeks. I have a family member who couldn't even keep down water during her pregnancy!

Headaches. When I first got pregnant my headaches stopped, which I was thankful since I get headaches a lot, but since about 10 weeks they've been back.

Back aches! My back hurts so bad and I know it needs to pop, but as far as I've read they don't suggest trying to pop your own back. Some suggest going to a chiropractor (sp?), but I refuse to pay to have someone do something that I can do myself so I'll just suffer. Plus I've seen my mom at her appointments and they look very painful so a big no thanks!

I can't think!! Haha.. yes, since becoming pregnant I am just hilarious when it comes to ordering or telling stories. I go to Subway and say I'm going to have 2 sandwiches. 1 foot long and 1 six inch both flatbread. They'll both be Turkey and black forest ham. Six inch has american cheese and the foot long has... um... provolone! *Wait for them to toast* The sandwiches are going to be a little different. Both have light lettuce, onion, the foot long has..um... green peppers!, six inch has tomato, both have spinach, mayo, um... chipotle sauce!, and um... sweet onion! There are probably more um's than that, so really it's ridiculous.

My neck hurts so bad! SO I pop it and it still hurts. Yeah not much to add to that.

Normal house hold chores are even more of a pain in the butt than normal. I don't want to stand to do the dishes (yeah, dishwasher still isn't installed. Have to move a door first) Laundry baskets are heavy and dangerous to carry down the stairs so I don't want to do that. Picking up around the house involves WAY to much bending over and that makes me feel sick and dizzy. Well, you get the picture.

And my husband. I love him dearly, but like most men he is clueless to how difficult being pregnant is. He'll say it's not as bad as I think or just call me a big baby. And he doesn't like to read so I can't get him to read these 2 helpful, tip pages that I picked out from online. He wants me to print it out... but, our printer is broken. As if printing it is any easier than reading it online.

Oh, which brings me to emotions. Haha. Those are great. These great little hormones that change so much in such a little time. I played a video game where a guy died and I cried like I'd lost a best friend. I watch a sad, touching movie and I cry. But when I'm mad oh watch out. I have a certain person (Not my husband) that managed to make me mad over things that have been building up over the past like 3 years and if this person would have been in front of me they would have got it. I typed a letter, that I had no intention of sending just to try to help me cool off. I vented to my husband and to my step-dad. My husband got it all in text since he was at work and he sent back something like,"Wow, you're really mad" um.. well, yeah! LOL

I'm Pregnant!! :)

*BIG smiles* Yes, pregnant. And yes, we were trying. No, this was no accident. LOL

So I guess I better "spill the beans"

-I got off the pill at the beginning of December.

-I got pregnant around December 16th, if my math is correct.

-Beginning of January I was sick for a week or two and didn't know why so my hubby suggested I take a pregnancy test

-January 17th I take a pregnancy test and it comes out positive!

-February 7 I had my first pregnancy appointment where I got an ultrasound (only because we and the doctor didn't know how far along I was) luckily I was further along than I thought, but less than they thought I was 7 1/2 weeks at that time (I thought 4 weeks they thought 10 weeks) So I have my first picture of my baby :)

-February 21st I had my second appointment got blood drawn and had an 'Educational Visit' where they talk about different tests that can be done to check for this and that (bad things with the baby)


Anyways, I am now 11 weeks. Currently my baby is the size of a Fig.
Hubby and I are both super excited!
We're hoping for a girl, but we'll love it no matter what sex it is.
We have our names picked out for either sex. My hubby doesn't want to know the sex of the baby, but I do, so I'm going to be keeping a secret. So anyways we had to pick on names early and yes, we have the exact name not two or three to choose from.
Most of our families know. The main, important ones know and the rest will find out when they find out. Everyone is excited for us.
Some people are making me mad though due to a comment that they made about having a baby, but not about getting a house. People can have babies at like 14 so it's not really that big of a deal, now buying a house that's flippin' awesome! Get your stuff checked people.

Ultrasound of our little bean

There's our little bean. Precious, small, helpless, little bean. So small, but still such a huge responsibility.

Finally Warm Weather, BUT

We finally start getting a day here and there where it's in the 60's and we're all so excited!

BUT

Now it storms every day that it reaches a high temperature. Today there's a possibility of strong thunderstorms, high winds, hail, and an isolated tornado!

This is ridiculous! I know that when cold and warm winds (or whatever) combine that for whatever reason, that I can't remember, it causes a storm. But it's still stupid.