Once again I was on Facebook, scrolling through my News Feed and I came upon a post that I just had to blog about. The post is from www.aplus.com and the post is 10 Things You Should Know About Your Partner Before Marrying Them. Obviously they've listed 10 things, really important things, that you should know about your guy/gal before marrying. Even though I'm going to list the 10 things please click the link to read their full post. These 10 things listed were (This time I'm going to add my feed on what they listed as well):
1. Do they want kids
My husband and I when we were dating had this conversation and we almost broke up. I didn't want kids and he did. I eventually just said I'd have a kid and that's that. I'm so glad I chose to have a kid! Look at what I would have been missing! But that's just our story. I hear of plenty of marriages that end in divorce because one spouse wants kids and the other doesn't or they don't want the same amount of kids and they spend their lives unhappy and arguing about it.
2. How are they with money
Money can put major stress on your marriage. If you can't handle an account that sometimes goes negative don't marry someone who isn't good with money. At least one person in the marriage HAS to be good with money.
3. What's their relationship with their family like
It's good to know what to expect. Is he a Momma's Boy? Will he/she be on the phone with their mom all the time? Sharing your business (marriage issues) with his/her family? Or are they pretty much non-existent? Lots of fights? Etc. Just know what you're going to be experiencing and if it's something you're ok with.
4. How do they express anger
This one is a VERY important one to know. Some people don't really get that angry, it takes a lot to make them mad. Others may throw things or yell. Yelling may just be yelling or name calling. Now I DO NOT approve of people yelling and calling names and if you're like me that would cause A LOT of issues in your marriage.
5. Do they have any dreams or career ambitions that marriage might forestall (hinder).
I say if you're going to college it's best to wait to marry until after you've finished schooling. I wish I would have gone to college to get some nice job and whatnot and I know I still could, but now I'm married and a mother and we just don't have the money.
If you're wanting to travel do that first, unless that's a passion of your guy/gal as well and make sure you go everywhere you want to go before before you have kids!
6. How much sex
If you're going into marriage virgins this might be a very hard question to answer. If that's the case you may need to just guess and be honest that you don't know. Now if you aren't a virgin it's safe to say you know about how often.
a. I'd also add that you might want to talk about what your boundaries are, what you're comfortable with, etc.
7. Where do they want home to be
If you want to live where you are now and they want to live in a different town or state that's an issue. Here's your options: a. one of you gives in b. you compromise (half way between where they want to be and where you want to be) c. give it up it isn't meant to be. Figure it out before marriage or you're pretty much doomed to fight a lot.
8. Do they want to sign a prenup
A lot of marriages are failing and I'm sure more and more people are signing prenups. Being asked to sign one may feel like a slap in the face and make them feel like you don't believe that they love you or that you don't believe in your future together. Or it may be something you both want.
9. What is their spiritual inclination
Beliefs are very important. If one of you is Catholic and the other is atheist or one Apostolic and the other is Buddhist it just isn't going to work. One of you would have to convert or you'll have to just call it quits. Think of it this way what happens when you have kids? Where would they go to church? What belief would you teach them? It's important to be on the same page with beliefs and child raising. Does he/she worship trees, God, or nobody?
10. How will you handle the division of labor
Also very important. You need to know what to expect. Is the lady of the house going to work? If so how many hours should she be working? Will she continue to work after the kids come? Is the man the primary worker? Is the woman the primary worker?
BE IN THE KNOW
Marriage is meant to be FOREVER so you want to make sure that you can handle their "quirks" FOREVER. The vow literally say, "For BETTER OR for WORSE'til DEATH do us part" You don't just get the good parts when you're married. You get every good and UGLY detail about your spouse. Morning breath, messy hair, body odor (if you think your spouse will always smell good you're wrong!), bad habits, weird habits, how they sleep (toss and turn, take over the whole bed, hog the covers,...)(Funny story. Miles and I punched, slapped, kneed, and kicked each other for the first maybe month while we were getting used to sleeping with someone else in the bed. Lol.), leaving clothes on the floor, not throwing away their trash (little candy wrappers, disposable plates, or whatever else), not putting the dishes in the dishwasher, never doing dishes, never doing laundry,... ETC. We all have faults, even you aren't perfect and your partner should also be deciding if they can live with your faults.
If you can see yourself with FOREVER, every day for the rest of your lives, in mind dealing with their faults.. not to say you won't ever get bothered by it, but being able to deal with it for the most part then go for it.
Just remember no marriage is perfect. You will eventually fight. One of you may storm out the door to clear your head. But if your communicate, be sure that you never break the trust of your spouse, and remember that the little things are what is truly important (holding hands, kisses before bed/when you wake up/before work/after work, taking time to sit and watch a movie together, etc.) and also with the help of God you can and will make forever with your spouse.