Friday, November 29, 2013

Almost 3 weeks on antidepressants!

      Hi there, readers! I know I said before that I was going to try to write every day about my journey with antidepressants and I had fully planned on it, but then I realized that you really don’t see much change every single day. The change is seen more weekly than daily so I won’t blog about it every day, but I will hopefully find the time to blog about it every week.

       I can definitely say that having these antidepressants have helped me so much. I have less anger, I’m more willing to get up and do things, I clean more, I’m happier more, and a GREAT thing is my skin is clearing up! Who knew?! Hey clearer skin is always a plus!

     I used to get way more upset and angry about things that really, in the long run, aren’t that important. Examples: Seth spilled something or he’s not listening to me about not doing something, etc. Now I’m not as angry I just deal with it and go on. Now don’t get me wrong if he’s being disobedient all day and a terror then yes, I get very upset, but I’m still able to control it more than I used to.

     Each day, except maybe the weekends; I get up do some laundry, dishes, pick up the stuff on the floor, etc. Whereas before I just wanted to sit in my recliner and watch movies and that was all I really did. Shame on me yes, I know. Thankfully I have a husband that likes to have a clean house enough that even after working hard came home and cleaned too. Depression hasn’t really made me the best wife, but I’m working on that now.

     I know a lot of people are probably wondering why I’m posting about my depression and being on antidepressants; to a lot of people dealing with depression is like a sin that you hide from the world. Well I’m here to tell you that there’s nothing wrong about it. Some people will never deal with depression; if that’s you you’re lucky. But there are many people who do deal with depression. Maybe they’ve had a traumatic event in their life that caused it or maybe they’ve had the perfect life and still got depressed. Depression can be passed down through the family. How? Who knows! But it happens. To many people are being quiet about their depression, people who have a worse case than mine because people have made them feel like there was something wrong about it and guess what a lot of them kill themselves. What a waste of a life. If the whole world would stop acting like it’s some disease and start helping these people fight it and get help there’d be a lot less deaths. I was lucky to be a mild case of depression. I can’t imagine dealing every day with the thought of wanting to kill myself. Your body/brain is supposed to have this survival instinct, but this would be like your body turning on itself. I can imagine that most of them kill themselves just so they can stop thinking about killing themselves every day, it’d be maddening. They didn’t ask for this. No one with any level of depression asked for this. Everyone wants to be happy and successful.   


Stop the madness! 

Friday, November 22, 2013

1 Week & 4 Days on antidepressants

I feel better! 
      Physically I'm not nauseous anymore! *clapping* YAY!! I still have some issues with dizziness, blah! But I'll take that any day over the nausea. Now the dry mouth is very annoying, but I'd rather be mentally well with a dry mouth than mentally ill and my mouth be normal.  

      Mentally I feel better too :) I feel happier. I'm looking at myself in a better way and getting up and doing more. I've even exercised some lol. 

     I know that I will still have bad days, who doesn't? But at least I'll have more better days than before. "If there's no ups and downs in your life you're dead." I'm not sure who said that or if I even quoted it right, but it's true either way. You have good days and bad days and the only time it's going to stop is when you're dead. Today is almost over and I don't know if tomorrow will be a high or a low, I'm just praying that God and my antidepressant gets me through it. I hope to one day not just get through the days but march through them triumphantly knowing that at the end of each day I did my best and that I did what I love and believe in. 
      I hope you all have a goodnight. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog! :) 

Monday, November 18, 2013

1 Week On Antidepressants

     I didn't post for a couple of days, sorry about that. I was busy spending time with my family and being nauseous and dizzy with a side of headache. 
     In case you're wondering if I ever got those foods I was craving I'm happy to tell you that I did get most of them! Miles was kind enough to get me Chinese and pickles on Saturday :) They both tasted great to me. 
     I still continue to deal with nausea, but I'm happy to report that it's getting better! I'm starting to not feel sick as much. 
     I'm also glad to report that I took the last of my other medicine this morning!!! Yay!!!!!! 
    I continue to get headaches, but they don't seem to be migraines like they were at first. 
    Sunday was by far my dizziest day. I was dizzy standing up and sitting down. I went to church Sunday morning and seriously thought I might pass out a few time during the service. I stayed seated the whole service and even then Miles said that I was flush the whole service. By the time we went to leave my mom said my face was red... One extreme to the other. I felt awful. 
      Today I have a headache and I can't tell if I'm dizzy or if the headache is just messing with me. Luckily no nausea at this moment or at least not enough to stop me from doing something I want to do. Given that it doesn't require anything being on my stomach. 
      I forgot to tell you all that Seth did get a fever and he was sick, but he's all better now besides what I think is just sinuses or a cold: sneezing, runny nose, and some coughing. He's happily playing and running around like his normal self though. 
       I took a full pill last night (of my antidepressant) and I didn't get sick or feel terrible so my body must just be used to it now. 
       Once I get passed the headaches and dizziness I'll try to start informing you how my actual thinking and attitude have changed. The headaches cause pain with to much thinking so I try to avoid it lol. 
     Hope you're all safe and having a good day after the terrible storm we had yesterday. 

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Day 4 On Antidepressants

       Sorry I didn't post yesterday! I felt awful yesterday. We went out to see the new store (Ruler Foods) and I was fine on the way there and was fine for maybe 5 minutes once we got in the store, but then my nausea kicked in and it stayed the rest of the day. I do better if I just sit or lay and watch tv. The tv takes my mind off the nausea. I guess that has to do with being focused on one thing. I haven't found anything else that works as well. Obviously car rides, work, getting up and walking, etc. all makes me worse so I avoid them as much as possible. 
       It seems to get worse instead of better but maybe that's because I'm always feeling so sick. My days and nights also seem to be lasting forever. I can't seem to get a really good nights sleep between Seth, waking up on my own, and the kitten attacking me there's not many hours during the night that I don't see. 
      I've added powdered donuts to the list of things that I can eat. They were giving them away free to the first 200 customers at Rulers. I've been wanting pickles, tomatoes, and Chinese. None of which do I have or will Miles get for me. 
      My body knows when it's time to take my medicines and I start feeling super ill around an hour or so before it's time to take them. Luckily after tomorrow I'll be off of one of my medicines and I'll hopefully be better at least throughout the day. We'll find out. 
       There's a week and a day left until my nausea from the antidepressant should be over. I really hope that's as long as it goes on. 
      Today is starting off better it seems.We'll see how the rest of today goes, hopefully well!  

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Day 3 On Antidepressants

    Well today has been more of the same: nausea, headache, dizziness, etc. It was a little worse today than it had been before but today is almost over which means I'm one day closer to being side effect free! Today's been so bad that I've thought that I'm going to throw up, but so far I haven't. 
    I've had some trouble thinking today more like I had before the pill can't decide if that's because the pill or the nausea or what. I just hope that tomorrow will be better! 
     Thanks to my mom I bought some 7Up and I can drink that without feeling sick. Everything else made my nausea worse. I'd tried water, tea, powerade, koolaid, milk they all made me worse. I was barely drinking anything because it made me feel so blah. 
      As for food mashed potatoes, crackers, totinos cheese pizza, and baked potato are the only things I've ate that didn't make me feel like I was about to lose everything I'd ate. I'm barely able to eat I either have no appetite or everything makes me feel sick. My complete list of what I've ate today is 2 crackers, a couple bites of mashed potatoes, and 1 baked potato with butter, salt, and pepper. Well if I've got 2 weeks of this I better at least lose 5 lbs! Lol. 
      Well I'm on to more relaxing and trying to keep myself from feeling to ill. 

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Day 2 On Antidepressants

     Today I was able to sit and hold Seth without a million thoughts running through my head. I doubt if that was because of the medicine since it normally takes 3 weeks for it to do anything. All I know is that it was nice. No headache, no distractions.
    When I'd contacted my doctors office about having thrown up they said that it was not normal an that I should only take half of my pill for a few days to get my body used to being on it and then try taking a whole one again. I took half a pill last night and thankfully I didn't feel as nauseous and I didn't get sick. I have to admit that I'm a little scared to take a whole pill again, but after a few days I'll try it again. 
       I've felt nauseous throughout the whole day. I'm on 2 medicines that have side effects of nausea. Luckily the other medication is an antibiotic so I'll be off of it soon. Hopefully I'll stop feeling as nauseous after I'm off of that. 
     I've noticed that since I've been on the medicine that I'll wake up around 8am and feel awake, but I know I need more sleep so I continue to try to sleep until Seth wakes up, which is normally  soon after 8. By the time 10am comes I'm tired all over again. The past 2 days I've had to take a nap when Seth did because I didn't feel I'd make it through the rest of the day without it. I guess I felt that way before the medicine I just never seemed to be able to fall asleep before. Thankfully I should be getting more energy in about a month. If depression is what causes my energy loss the medicine should take care of it. Along with a page full of other issues lol. 
      Today had plenty of feeling icky and a headache. 2 weeks until I should be symptom free and 2 of those days are already done. I'm used to headaches and not feeling well 2 weeks of this should be easy for me. 

   Oh P.S. Seth seems to be getting some kind of sickness and feeling icky so please keep him in your prayers. 

Monday, November 11, 2013

Day 1 on antidepressants

I took my pill at night even though they suggest to take it in the morning, but I'm glad I took it when I did. It's making me dizzy and nauseous. Seth kept waking me up and after the second or third time of being woken up I actually threw up. Not sure if that's normal so I'm going to have to call the doctors office in the morning. 

It's making me question if my body is accepting of medicine like this, after all I can barely take Tylenol without feeling sick lol. 

I'm still very nauseous and I have a feeling I'm not done getting sick yet. 
Although I was dizzy before the medicine, maybe I was already sick? Who knows. 

More Of What I Want For Christmas

I found a few more things I'd love to have that are at Pier One Imports 

Some more beautiful (and very expensive) dining chairs. I have about 3 places in the house that I want to put nice chairs and these would be gorgeous in one of the places. 

Look at this chest, you can see the price there so I don't need to say anything about that lol. Sorry for the not so great pic, but it's so... Different in a pretty way

Candleholders! I LOVE candles and these holders are so great! 

And last but not least. Look at these vases! They'd go great with the candleholders and they're gorgeous! 

I'm sure I'll find more to post before Christmas, stick around and find out. 

I Am The Face Of...

I am the face of a WIFE

I am the face of a MOTHER 

I am the face of a daughter, aunt, sister, friend, and more. 

I am the face of DEPRESSION

That last one was shocking huh? I bet most people would never have guessed. Even the closest of my friends wouldn't have known.

Depression like most "illnesses" has levels. Luckily mine has always been a very minor depression. I have dealt with it off and on most of my life yet I have never seen a doctor about it. For a while I actually forgot about even though I was still dealing with it because it was my normal. It has effected my energy, the way I eat, the way I think, my friendships, my marriage, my family, it has caused me to waste hours and days of my life, it has caused me to only want to sit and watch tv. 

Depression is serious. It doesn't care who you are, who you were or who you want to be. It does not care if you have a spouse or children to take care of. It does not care if you have a job or even two that you have to have. It doesn't care that it's wasting away your life or making a mess of your relationships. It does not care if you are rich or poor, healthy or sick, good or bad.

 It is depression. It works from the inside out. It starts in your brain and suddenly the rest if you just plays follow the leader. 

Don't judge people who deal with depression, we didn't ask for this. If you think this is the life we've planned for ourselves you're very wrong. Personally I wanted to be extraordinary. I didn't want one piece of my life to be mundane, ordinary, normal, or average. I wanted to have lots of friends, parties, be a co youth leader with my spouse, I wanted to be surrounded by those that love me and those that I love. I wanted to be the person everyone else wanted to be and wanted to be around. Instead I find that my entire life is mundane, stuck in a rut. 

I thankfully have never been suicidal, not to say the thought of death and not having to deal with everything has never crossed my mind, but I would never (purposefully) kill myself or have anyone else kill me. Strangely I'd rather live in my rut than die. 

Today I finally went to the doctor to try to get this resolved. I've been prescribed an antidepressant and I will take my first pull tonight. 

Antidepressants can have side effects such as making you suicidal or more suicidal which is most common in children, teenagers, and young adults. 
We'll see what happens with me. 

I think I'm going to try to blog every day about how it's going, what I'm dealing with, my thoughts, the effects it is causing, if I'm getting better, etc. 

If you're reading this and have depression please don't let it continue. Go to the doctor and get on some medicine don't wake up years later and realize that you've wasted part of your life being miserable. The medicine I was prescribed isn't really expensive so there's no excuse. 

Feel free to follow along with me on my journey out of depression. 

Sunday, November 10, 2013

All I Want Fir Christmas Is...

Ok so there isn't really enough room to put ALL the things I'd really like for Christmas but I figured I could post a few things that I'd  seen for the house. 

This lamp is at Walmart and I'd like a couple of them for my upstairs. Aren't they cute?!

This chair is or was at TJ Maxx and I'd line 2 of these.. Well really I'd like 4 of them but I'd settle for 2 especially since they're so expensive. 

This vase also at TJ Maxx would be perfect because the blue/teal is what I want in my decor and the brown is what I'll be painting my living room. They look so great together! 

Obviously I love these two for the color but the plate has a gorgeous design. TJ Maxx. 

Well that's my few things that I'd like for Christmas that I'm going to share. I'll also take gift cards, cash, or a credit card to use that had no expense to myself LOL 

Friday, November 1, 2013

Beautiful Fall

Look at that beautiful tree! Isn't it gorgeous? The picture doesn't quite do it justice. 

Now anyone that knows me can tell you that I hate the cold, but I think Fall is gorgeous. The red leaves are, to me, the best. 

I love the leaves crunching beneath my shoes as I walk. The beautiful colors. The weather where it's not to hot and not to cold. 

There are some things I don't like about it such as Daylight Savings Time, getting darker longer, and when it's just cold and/or rainy. But still it's gorgeous! 

Now if only I could find about 5 trees that's leaves would turn red in the fall instead of yellow or orange (or turn all the above) Then I'd replace the trees I have now... Me and what army, right? Yeah, I know. Lol.