Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Bad, The Good... Me

Have you ever had a hard time finding yourself? I have and even now being in my Self Finding Process I find it hard to know who I am. There are so many thing about me and who I am that I don't like, but I've been this way so long that it's hard not to be, well, me. I'm tired all the time, I'm lazy, I'm fatter than I've ever been (which I'm still not huge or anything but I don't like the extra weight), I hate to clean, I especially hate putting away clothes, I love to sit around and play video games and watch movies for the whole day without ever leaving my recliner besides to go to the bathroom or to get food, I never spend time with friends, I read into things, I'm to shy, I love to be creative but can't break out of my "shell" enough to be noticed, I'm a slob yet a perfectionist,... you may ask how one can be a slob and a perfectionist. Well, it's quite simple really you look at a room and say it'll never be perfect so what's the point. Yeah, I'm a lot of negative. I'm sure there are some good parts in there, I just don't know where to look for them or how to bring them out after hiding them for SO long.
So you've heard the bad now I'll try to find some of the good things about me, keep in mind these things may not be much to you, but they do mean something to me. I'm a decent cook, when I do clean I try to make it look fabulous, I'm creative. I love to design things that could be interior design, house plans, clothes, furniture,... so on. I seem to have a knack for writing, I always try to be friendly, I love to listen and help people with their problems. I've always said that my blessing comes from seeing others blessed.
Idk when I actually put some of the good down it just doesn't seem like much. Some people are so great at, well, everything and then there's me, just trying to find a way to fit in, somehow. I know that no one ever completely fits in, everyone at some point in time feels like a loner, but I tend to feel that way a lot, but that is in my personality traits to be a loner. I'm not big on crowds. I don't want to be the leader and I don't want to follow, so where does that leave me?
Anyways that's just some more of my thoughts. It's late and I'm tired!

Happy sleeping, Readers!

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