I like to be in control, which I guess is illogical since I can't see what's going to happen later today, tomorrow, or whenever. There's just something about not being in control that is.. well, flat out frightening! Honestly knowing that God is control, though once again I know he's looking out for me and will take care of me, is a scary thing to me. I mean what if you make the wrong decision? People who 'run their own life' wouldn't fret to much because in their eyes they can fix it themselves. But those of us who know that God is the one who really fixes it.. I don't know. I mean you have to wait on God and sometimes it feels like He isn't coming to your rescue, which is just about the time He does, but that last minute stuff terrifies me. I know it's all in trust and faith, I've been in church almost all of my life I've heard just about every sermon there is (of course some people preach it differently, but the ending result is normally the same) so I know what the preachers have to say about it all and I really do believe it. I know what they're saying is right. That's why it's so frustrating to me that it's so hard. If you believe in something and you know that beyond a shadow of a doubt that it's correct why..how can it be so difficult?!
I mean it's like housework I know that a house should be clean (and mine is normally not to bad) and I know that I should clean the house, but for some reason doing it is so annoying, frustrating, difficult, hard, a flat out war! It's flesh, it's laziness, it's a battle.
Oh, please pray for me! Just so there isn't some huge panic. I'm not a backslider, I'm not going to backslide because I do believe. I guess I just need some strength and peace and whatever else God can throw at me to